Our 200th Post!!!!

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the 200th post to Gang Green Land, formerly known as Sauer Lammons, formerly known as Gangreenous, formerly known as something else. I forget. Anyway, my name is Werblin Winner, and it gives me enormous pleasure to mark a milestone in the world of neurotic sports-related blogging by paying tribute to the life- culminating work of Martin E. Roche. Tonight we reflect on the laughter, the tears, the rage and general sense of apathy you and I have shared with each of Marty's entries about his life as a New York Jets fan. We've shared so much, cared so much, and now it's time to look at where we've been, where we are, and where we're going. Will you join me?

The audience responds appreciatively.

Let's get started!

The audience concurs.

With the buffet table! To the buffet! First come, first served! Last one there is ---

The buffet is stampeded. Martin looks around and wonders whose idea was the buffet table. In keeping with his blog, he wonders, "How long did I rent the hall for again?" aloud to no one in particular.

About an hour and a half later...

We're back! The veal was so-so, wasn't it? Who's up for a little chat with the blog's flounder, Martin Roche. Founder. I meant "founder."

A gentle smattering of applause.

Thanks. Thanks. That's very funny.

Martin for two years you've squandered your time outlining the life experiences of being a New York Jets fan. Has it taught you anything important about life?

Only that there is always something on the web to keep you from wanting to kill yourself with drink. Even stuff that doesn't have anything to do with pornography.

I can hardly believe that. (Much canned laughter.) Is this your life's work?

I hope not.

Do you have any children?

No.

Pets?

No. My wife wants a dog someday.

Gee, how nice. And what do you do in the off-season, Marty? When you're not worrying about your football team?

I work on NYJBTN, the all-time listing of Jets players by their numbers. Each player who has ever played for the Jets gets an entry. We're about a quarter of the way through. We'll continue near the end of the Jets' season. Whenever that is.

Right, right. What number are you up to?

Twenty-eight. The last entry was for Curtis Martin.

And he's like...an important player, right?

(Groans from the audience.)

Well, I don't know! I studied theater at B.U about twenty years ago. What the hell do I know about football?

(Lusty boos. Someone says "Belichick sucks!!")
Yes, yes. Say, Marty isn't there already a "Mets-By-The-Numbers" site? Did you steal the idea from them?

Yes.

Oh. OK. Um...lessee what the card says. Uh...

Oh. Say, Marty, would you like to check in the latest e-mail you've gotten at your web address: edlsjets@hotmail.com?

No.

OK, terrific! Apparently a Mr. Martin Oumar writes that "YOUR URGENT RESPONSE IS NEEDED!!" Isn't that nice? You've got the same first name. And Mr. Usman Abdul wants "AN OVERSEAS PARTNER!!" Well, don't we all? The UK NATIONAL LOTTERY says "Congratulations Lucky Contestant!" They mean you, Marty. Isn't that exciting?

Great.

And a man named only "Frank" has an investment proposal for you. That doesn't happen every day. Sounds intriguing! And someone named Amudu Hassan has written to you with the subject line, "From Dr Amudu Hassan, VERY URGENT PLEASE!!" My goodness, Marty. Sounds serious! You'd better try getting back to him. He might need help.

I'm sure he does.

OK. Well, here's to another 200 blog posts on the joys of quilting, or whatever it is you write about. This is Werblin Winner saying good night! Oh wait...LOOK. One of these e-mails is addressed from "Claim Officer" to "Hi Winner!!" Marty! You didn't tell me that I was getting e-mails forwarded to you.

Well, now you know.